tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-140452812011-04-22T06:10:15.466+10:00{...friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly...}~Lex~http://www.blogger.com/profile/14501132239182076621noreply@blogger.comBlogger21100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14045281.post-1120090860669342392005-06-30T10:19:00.000+10:002005-06-30T10:21:11.956+10:00<span style="color:#c0c0c0;">This is for Madi! We watched Rain Man yesterday and I tried to explain to her the Abbott and Costello "Who's on First?" comedy routine they do. Here it is, just for you! </span><br /><span style="color:#c0c0c0;"></span><br /><br /><div align="center"><span style="color:#c0c0c0;"><strong>WHO'S ON FIRST</strong></span></div><div align="center"><span style="color:#c0c0c0;">ABBOTT AND COSTELLO<br /></span></div><span style="color:#c0c0c0;">Abbott: Well Costello, I'm going to New York with you. You know Bookie Harris, the Yankee's manager, gave me a job as coach for as long as you're on the team.<br />Costello: Look Abbott, if you're the coach, you must know all the players.<br />Abbott: I certainly do.<br />Costello: Well you know I've never met the guys. So you'll have to tell me their names, and then I'll know who's playing on the team.<br />Abbott: Oh, I'll tell you their names, but you know it seems to me they give these ball players now-a-days very peculiar names.<br />Costello: You mean funny names?<br />Abbott: Strange names, pet names...like </span><span style="color:#c0c0c0;">Dizzy Dean</span><span style="color:#c0c0c0;">...<br />Costello: His brother Daffy.<br />Abbott: </span><span style="color:#c0c0c0;">Daffy Dean</span><span style="color:#c0c0c0;">...<br />Costello: And their French cousin.<br />Abbott: French?<br />Costello: Goofè.<br />Abbott: Goofè Dean. Well, let's see, we have on the bags, Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third...<br />Costello: That's what I want to find out.<br />Abbott: I say Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third.<br />Costello: Are you the manager?<br />Abbott: Yes.<br />Costello: You gonna be the coach too?<br />Abbott: Yes.<br />Costello: And you don't know the fellows' names?<br />Abbott: Well I should.<br />Costello: Well then who's on first?<br />Abbott: Yes.<br />Costello: I mean the fellow's name.<br />Abbott: Who.<br />Costello: The guy on first.<br />Abbott: Who.<br />Costello: The first baseman.<br />Abbott: Who.<br />Costello: The guy playing...<br />Abbott: Who is on first!<br />Costello: I'm asking YOU who's on first.<br />Abbott: That's the man's name.<br />Costello: That's who's name?<br />Abbott: Yes.<br />Costello: Well go ahead and tell me.<br />Abbott: That's it.<br />Costello: That's who?<br />Abbott: Yes.<br />PAUSE<br />Costello: Look, you gotta first baseman?<br />Abbott: Certainly.<br />Costello: Who's playing first?<br />Abbott: That's right.<br />Costello: When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money?<br />Abbott: Every dollar of it.<br />Costello: All I'm trying to find out is the fellow's name on first base.<br />Abbott: Who.<br />Costello: The guy that gets...<br />Abbott: That's it.<br />Costello: Who gets the money...<br />Abbott: He does, every dollar. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.<br />Costello: Who's wife?<br />Abbott: Yes.<br />PAUSE<br />Abbott: What's wrong with that?<br />Costello: Look, all I wanna know is when you sign up the first baseman, how does he sign his name?<br />Abbott: Who.<br />Costello: The guy.<br />Abbott: Who.<br />Costello: How does he sign...<br />Abbott: That's how he signs it.<br />Costello: Who?<br />Abbott: Yes.<br />PAUSE<br />Costello: All I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name on first base.<br />Abbott: No. What is on second base.<br />Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.<br />Abbott: Who's on first.<br />Costello: One base at a time!<br />Abbott: Well, don't change the players around.<br />Costello: I'm not changing nobody!<br />Abbott: Take it easy, buddy.<br />Costello: I'm only asking you, who's the guy on first base?<br />Abbott: That's right.<br />Costello: Ok.<br />Abbott: All right.<br />PAUSE<br />Costello: What's the guy's name on first base?<br />Abbott: No. What is on second.<br />Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.<br />Abbott: Who's on first.<br />Costello: I don't know.<br />Abbott: He's on third, we're not talking about him.<br />Costello: Now how did I get on third base?<br />Abbott: Why you mentioned his name.<br />Costello: If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third?<br />Abbott: No. Who's playing first.<br />Costello: What's on base?<br />Abbott: What's on second.<br />Costello: I don't know.<br />Abbott: He's on third.<br />Costello: There I go, back on third again!<br />PAUSE<br />Costello: Would you just stay on third base and don't go off it.<br />Abbott: All right, what do you want to know?<br />Costello: Now who's playing third base?<br />Abbott: Why do you insist on putting Who on third base?<br />Costello: What am I putting on third.<br />Abbott: No. What is on second.<br />Costello: You don't want who on second?<br />Abbott: Who is on first.<br />Costello: I don't know.<br />Abbott & Costello Together:Third base!<br />PAUSE<br />Costello: Look, you gotta outfield?<br />Abbott: Sure.<br />Costello: The left fielder's name?<br />Abbott: Why.<br />Costello: I just thought I'd ask you.<br />Abbott: Well, I just thought I'd tell ya.<br />Costello: Then tell me who's playing left field.<br />Abbott: Who's playing first.<br />Costello: I'm not... stay out of the infield! I want to know what's the guy's name in left field?<br />Abbott: No, What is on second.<br />Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.<br />Abbott: Who's on first!<br />Costello: I don't know.<br />Abbott &amp; Costello Together: Third base!<br />PAUSE<br />Costello: The left fielder's name?<br />Abbott: Why.<br />Costello: Because!<br />Abbott: Oh, he's centerfield.<br />PAUSE<br />Costello: Look, You gotta pitcher on this team?<br />Abbott: Sure.<br />Costello: The pitcher's name?<br />Abbott: Tomorrow.<br />Costello: You don't want to tell me today?<br />Abbott: I'm telling you now.<br />Costello: Then go ahead.<br />Abbott: Tomorrow!<br />Costello: What time?<br />Abbott: What time what?<br />Costello: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's pitching?<br />Abbott: Now listen. Who is not pitching.<br />Costello: I'll break your arm, you say who's on first! I want to know what's the pitcher's name?<br />Abbott: What's on second.<br />Costello: I don't know.<br />Abbott &amp; Costello Together: Third base!<br />PAUSE<br />Costello: Gotta catcher?<br />Abbott: Certainly.<br />Costello: The catcher's name?<br />Abbott: Today.<br />Costello: Today, and tomorrow's pitching.<br />Abbott: Now you've got it.<br />Costello: All we got is a couple of days on the team.<br />PAUSE<br />Costello: You know I'm a catcher too.<br />Abbott: So they tell me.<br />Costello: I get behind the plate to do some fancy catching, Tomorrow's pitching on my team and a heavy hitter gets up. Now the heavy hitter bunts the ball. When he bunts the ball, me, being a good catcher, I'm gonna throw the guy out at first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who?<br />Abbott: Now that's the first thing you've said right.<br />Costello: I don't even know what I'm talking about!<br />PAUSE<br />Abbott: That's all you have to do.<br />Costello: Is to throw the ball to first base.<br />Abbott: Yes!<br />Costello: Now who's got it?<br />Abbott: Naturally.<br />PAUSE<br />Costello: Look, if I throw the ball to first base, somebody's gotta get it. Now who has it?<br />Abbott: Naturally.<br />Costello: Who?<br />Abbott: Naturally.<br />Costello: Naturally?<br />Abbott: Naturally.<br />Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.<br />Abbott: No you don't, you throw the ball to Who.<br />Costello: Naturally.<br />Abbott: That's different.<br />Costello: That's what I said.<br />Abbott: You're not saying it...<br />Costello: I throw the ball to Naturally.<br />Abbott: You throw it to Who.<br />Costello: Naturally.<br />Abbott: That's it.<br />Costello: That's what I said!<br />Abbott: You ask me.<br />Costello: I throw the ball to who?<br />Abbott: Naturally.<br />Costello: Now you ask me.<br />Abbott: You throw the ball to Who?<br />Costello: Naturally.<br />Abbott: That's it.<br />Costello: Same as you! Same as YOU! I throw the ball to who. Whoever it is drops the ball and the guy runs to second. Who picks up the ball and throws it to What. What throws it to I Don't Know. I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow, Triple play. Another guy gets up and hits a long fly ball to Because. Why? I don't know! He's on third and I don't give a darn!<br />Abbott: What?<br />Costello: I said I don't give a darn!<br />Abbott: Oh, that's our shortstop.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/14045281-112009086066934239?l=sufferinarseholes.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>~Lex~http://www.blogger.com/profile/14501132239182076621noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14045281.post-1120026568310396812005-06-30T09:23:00.000+10:002005-06-29T16:29:28.320+10:00<div align="center"><span style="color:#c0c0c0;"><strong>A LIFE EVERLASTING</strong><br />By Alex McCann<br /><br />His bloodstained hands loosened their grip on the young lady and they fell to the ground beside his knees. He hung his head. His eyes were closed and his bottom lip quivered.<br />His blue shirt was covered in blood and his tie looked as though it had been loosened – as if someone had tried to take it from him. His hair was ruffled, but still seemed neat.<br />After a short while, he opened his eyes. They were blue. Not a blue like the sky, but a deep, innocent blue – like the sea.<br /><br />* * *<br /><br />The little boy smiled. He would have been no more that five. It was a big, toothless smile, just what you would have expected.<br />He had a pair of sunglasses propped on top of his head. They were way too big for him; I suspect they were his father’s.<br />I smiled back. His big, bright eyes shone, no, they glowed. Under his arm he clutched an old teddy. He held it as though it was his life – like it was a part of him. He seemed happy, like he hadn’t a care in the world. He had his teddy and his daddy’s sunnies. Nothing in the world could possibly bring him down.<br /><br />* * *<br /><br />That guy in my history class spoke to me today! He actually spoke to me! Well, he crashed into me and said sorry. Does that count?<br />Oh my gosh, he is so hot! His sun streaked hair and that tanned skin, he is like an angel sent from heaven to rescue me from a world of loud music, school and anti-depressants. Whenever I look into those blue eyes of his, its like looking into his soul, his perfect, angelic soul. It’ll be mine one day, you’ll see.<br /><br />* * *<br /><br />The soon to be couple stood at the altar. They looked so young but so in love. He reached over and slowly slid his hand around hers, gripping it like a lifeline. As they turned to proclaim their vows of love for one another they stared into each others eyes, like they were connected in a way more than life itself can comprehend. This was to be an end to a life lived by the free, a beginning to a life lived by the enchanted and a chance to be someone new, someone brave and someone better.<br /><br />* * *<br /><br />The guy that lives next door is pretty messed up at the moment. He doesn’t look to good at all. I don’t think he has been going to work much anymore, his car seems to always be in the driveway. I saw him yesterday afternoon and his shirt was ripped. I don’t know where he had been but one of his eyes was black so I assume he had been in a fight.<br />I haven’t seen his missus much either, it’s almost as if she never leaves the house. I hardly even see her in their backyard anymore. Those people next door are starting to worry me a little. I’m starting to feel slightly unsafe living where I do. I may be overreacting but I guess I’m safer to keep an eye out anyway.<br /><br />* * *<br /><br />Daddy hit me again today. I didn’t do anything wrong, I don’t think. He hit mum too. I’ve been wearing my long sleeve shirt all the time so mummy doesn’t see my bruises. Last time she saw them she started to cry. I don’t like it when she cries.<br />Daddy isn’t being very nice anymore. He used to tuck me in every night. Now he doesn’t speak to me. Sometimes he yells at me. He yells at mum too. He won’t even look us in the face anymore. I wonder what colour he’s eyes are. I haven’t seen them for a while.<br /><br />* * *<br /><br />The bastard hasn’t paid again! I’m gonna kill him! He reckons I’m his piggy bank. Well I’m not. The stuff I gave him last week I should’ve got two grand for. He’s only coughed up eight hundred so far. I’ve gotta give it to him though. I look into his fierce eyes and I fear to think what he might do to me if I don’t. But he seriously thinks that he can just screw with me. Well I ain’t gonna stand for it. Next time he comes in to pick up the goods I’m gonna lay down the law. That’s what it’s come down to.<br /><br />* * *<br /><br /><br /></span><span style="font-family:lucida grande;"><span style="font-size:180%;"><span style="color:#c0c0c0;"><strong>THE SYDNEY MORNING HERALD</strong><br /></span></span></span><span style="color:#c0c0c0;"><em>29th of July, 1994<br /></em><br /><br /></span><span style="color:#c0c0c0;"><strong>CHRISTOPHER DIBBINS ARRESTED TODAY ON MURDER CHARGES<br /></strong>Christopher Dibbins has been arrested on murder charges after viciously attacking his wife, Antonia Dibbins, and six year old daughter, Charlotte, last night.<br />Mrs. Dibbins died at the scene of the crime and Charlotte is now in a coma at the intensive care unit in the Royal North Shore Hospital but it has been said that she is not expected to recover and that the coma may be permanent.<br />Mr. Dibbins is expected to be sentenced to life imprisonment after this ordeal and the court case has been scheduled for commencement on August 14th.</span></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/14045281-112002656831039681?l=sufferinarseholes.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>~Lex~http://www.blogger.com/profile/14501132239182076621noreply@blogger.com3